To Spank Or Not To Spank ...

To Spank or not to Spank, that is the question. For most people the answer may seem pretty obvious—they received spankings, they turned out “fine.” End of story. However, for one of my close friends it was not that simple. Though she was disciplined through corporal punishment as a child, she and her husband decided that is not the route they wanted to take with their children. This involved informing both sides of the family and neither wanted to comply. When you decide to make different decisions for your children than the previous generation, you sometimes run the risk of backlash. They feel like you are criticizing them. But there is another way to look at it. If those parents raised competent, intelligent children, shouldn’t they be trusted to raise their own children? Shouldn’t any parent who is a sane, capable, loving parent be able to make those sorts of decisions for his or her own family? If, in fact, our parents have done a great job and we “turned out fine” then shouldn’t they trust us to rear children who will turn out “fine” as well?

Personally, I was not beaten regularly as a child and by most accounts I turned out “fine.” I received one spanking at age 11 (I stayed out too late), the same age at which I was employed by a local hairdresser to work on the weekends and six years before I would shoot my first documentary and raise so much money for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, through my charity event, I'd be asked to present a check to them on television. On the other hand, many of my friends were hit habitually and have decided there is a different way to discipline their children. Of course that is great in theory. But what do you do when you have a screaming two year-old who refuses to listen to you? Amazingly, these same friends have very well-behaved children who have tested gifted, excelled in extra-curricular activities and who have even taken to activism. The sort of parenting they practice takes more patience and parental discipline. It requires that a parent be extremely in tune with his or her child. This is not only because appropriate punishments must be selected but an awareness of the child’s feelings is required. Is he or she depressed or angry or having trouble with someone at school? Most people I know didn’t grow up in an environment where they could express their feelings with their parents. They may have faced bullies at school, had questions about sex or any number of things. Most of my female friends never even received a sex talk from their very own parents. And, yes, they turned out “fine” because their parents don’t know about the trips to Planned Parenthood or the attempted suicides. Frankly, that is not the type of relationship I want with my children. I don’t want them to fear or be intimidated by me. I want them to respect me. How this is accomplished is a choice up to myself and the father of my children.

Recently I read that many kids who are considered to have learning disabilities, hyperactivity or problems with paying attention are actually suffering from food or environmental allergies, which can cause abnormal learning patterns and symptoms. A great number of these children are spanked or drugged because of their unmanageable behavior. Parents believe they have no other choice and it’s an acceptable response to an “unruly” child in our country. But I would venture to say if our parents knew that they might be able to calm some of us down by simply eliminating Cow’s milk, wheat, corn, soy, eggs, citrus and/or peanuts or any of the environmental causes of disruptive behavior such as molds, dust, cleaning chemicals, perfumes or pesticides, they would have laid down their straps and given us some organic veggies instead.

Time To Step Up My Game

I just walked/ran ½ mile with my baby and boy was it a struggle. No, that is not a typo. Not 1 mile. Not 2 miles. One half mile with a stroller! Though I've been working out consistently for about two months now, 2-3 times per week, I have realized it is time to take it up a notch. Age is not an excuse when you have a father 24 years older than you with better abs. My dad recently beat a 22 year-old in a tennis tournament! I doubt at this point if I could get through one match. I, on the other hand, recently attempted to play volleyball at a family barbecue where my lack of hand-eye coordination showed no sign of past athleticism. Those of you who played sports as children, remember what it was like to have your coach push you. You would run or do the required exercise until you thought you would DIE. There was an achy pain in your joints that made you feel like you couldn’t go on. But you did. And you lived. Your drive and determination was unshakable. As a nearly 40 year-old, I sit in my Pilates class and watch each of the women in the room with me, at varying times during the workout, simply stop and take a rest. Can you imagine telling your coach you needed to take a rest? That would mean more laps or more push-ups or more of whatever torturous activity they could devise on the spot. I have fond memories of literally laying on the tennis court after having a rigorous workout. Yet, last week I smugly retorted to my not so young herself Pilates instructor after she asked me why I wasn’t moving, I lack the upper body strength to do that particular move. She demonstrated it with ease and smiled at me. She sat there grinning in front of us with her perky breasts and legs so flexible she effortlessly wrapped them in strange configurations right before our very eyes, while we dreamt of laying on the couch watching Oprah and drinking Chai Lattes from Starbucks. Today, however, I realized I have to change. Running (or attempting to run) with my son made me see how important it is for me to get in shape and just how little stamina I possess. I want to have the same energy level my parents had when we were growing up. I’d like to enjoy playing tennis and running up flights of stairs with him like my dad did with us. Further, I want to live long enough to watch him graduate from high-school, college and, eventually, Harvard law school (wink, wink). This means more cardio, more discipline, more consistency. Perhaps being a parent is just motivation enough for me to step up my game.